I did my largest wedding to date over the March 15th weekend. (These photos are not from said wedding though- I was my usual forgetful self about pictures for that...hopefully their photographer took some lovely ones & wants to share with me?) For this girl, the wedding was a massive undertaking- we have been referring to it as THE wedding. I rented a truck and everything. Like I was legit. It has been my sole focus for so long (well, that and you know, my children and my husband...) that now it is over, I feel a little fuzzy around the edges. And still tired. It wiped my shit out. For real. It was a moment of deep breaths for me, or rather lots of moments of really deep breaths for me. I wanted to challenge myself this year- this wedding season- up the ante and all, you know?
I saw a friend at the flower market a couple of days before THE wedding- I was doing the fourth round (of five) pick-ups for it and she asked me, "Are you still doing all of this by yourself?" (I think I had that wild/crazed/glassy look in my eyes.) "Yes." I replied, " I have to- you know and I openly admit, I have major control issues." (Its totally true.) She says back to me, "Man, you have got to grow." I smiled (I think) and excused myself. But it got me thinking. Maybe she meant I need to grow my business and hire a design assistant- maybe. Or maybe she meant I need to grow up and let go of my issues. I'm not sure. Either way, the conversation has stuck with me.
Grow. Its funny- when you think about it, well- when I think about it- how much of my life revolves around that word. Grow. Watching my children grow up, me grow (ugh) older, my friendships grow. Waiting for my garden to grow, my hair to grow out. (I'm not sure I even know what that means, but people keep asking me if I am growing it out and I just say yes because I have no idea what it is doing.) Wishing I could stop, at least for a few moments those children from growing too fast. Wondering if I am doing enough for my business to help it grow. Grow.... It sounds weird if you keep saying it over and over again. Like its not even a real word at all. (Grow grow grow.)
Anyways.... The wedding? Ahem, THE wedding? It was wonderful. It went well. Really well. A personal coup. (I did mention I am still tired from it though, right?) Looking back at the 11 months that went into planning it- the piles of notes and swatches and inspiration pictures, the heaps of emails, dozens of to-do lists and checklists- looking over all of it- maybe somewhere, buried in there I think I can see something. Personal growth. Its tiny, but its there. I don't know if anyone else would notice, but my little business and I, we have grown.